Zombies

25 08 2010

My daughter Anna walked into the room pensively.
“Dad… What if zombies were real?”

“Well, sweetheart, they aren’t. They are made up for games and movies, just like monsters or unicorns.”

“I know, I know, but what if?”

“Well… IF… then I wouldn’t want to see one.”

“What if one tried to get us?”

At this point I assume that Anna has been laying awake at night fearful of evil beings going bump in the night. This is all, of course, my fault for not being strict enough on her exposure to media and now I have permanently scarred her fragile psyche. I begin a speech about how we are safe, and the difference in reality and fantasy. She quickly interrupts uninterested in my boring rational speak.

“I bet you’d shoot him with one of your guns.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, unless he was to close. Then you might have to stab him with a knife.”

“I see, well I’m glad that will never happen.”

“Yeah, and you should try to do it outside because there would be a lot of blood to clean up.”

Content with her conclusion she left the room. I have spent the day trying to pinpoint exactly when I irrevocably warped my child and if it’s too late to save the other two.

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7 responses

25 08 2010
Ma

Please don’t let your love of bad horror movies scar the children. I still have nightmares about the one with the mutant sheep and the killer snowman and I haven’t even SEEN those movies.

25 08 2010
jahall

Those are two of my favorites. (To be fair he was only half snowman, his human dna fused with the snow in the accident).
I think you’re right, I feel awful, but her candor about the whole talk was too funny. All I could think of was Morgan’s line last year…”Dad…I don’t think other kid’s dads are like you.”

27 08 2010
2echoecho

I literally laughed out loud when I read this, even though I had already heard it the other night. Love it.

6 10 2010
Erin

Did you get that zombie game on your ipod?

10 10 2010
jahall

Yeah, I did. It is one of the coolest ways to waste copious amounts of time.

13 10 2010
Lisa

This brings to mind that mouse sitting in your mother’s air vent years ago. You asked us why we didn’t just stab it with a knife if we saw it sitting there.

2 04 2012
November 2010 | justputonalittlelipstick

[…] Josh 4lbs 6oz 11-30-1983 Twenty seven years ago I went for a check up at my OB doctor. I had been having a back ache for a couple of days and it just wouldn’t go away. When I called the office, they told me to come in and be checked just to be on the safe side. My due date was still six weeks away. Well…that back ache was actually very active labor! I was quickly whisked away to the labor floor and Josh arrived very soon after. He was precious, wiggly and immediately had us wrapped around his tiny finger. Josh is now grown and a parent himself, and he is a fabulous father to his three energetic little girls. I have to smile when I hear him answering those same thousand questions that he and Jenni used to ask us all the time, or when he is reading Fox in Socks to the girls before bed. We must have read that book 1,000 times. Here’s a link to recent blog he wrote about answering strange questions. https://jahall.wordpress.com/2010/08/25/zombies/ […]

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